Today I realized that life really is not what I thought it would be. When I was growing up I always had this idea of the way I wanted to spend my time on this earth. Looking back on the short time I have already wasted I see that I have not done anything I want to. I am stuck in a dead end job that finds every way possible to make my life miserable. The only thing I own is a junk caviler that barely starts in the mornings. The only thing that really makes life easier is knowing that I have a great fiance and a fantastic dog. I guess the the thing that is driving me completely mad is the fact that it feels like I am just wasting my life but then again how do I change that. In my own mind I do not think I can change the out come of my life. Sometimes I wonder if these cards are already dealt for me. For example not more then two days ago I was finally having a good day and then out of know where it went down hill. I do not have all the answers, for that fact I have none of the answers but what I do know is the things I have, I am grateful for, I just wish there was something else.